THIS ITEM IS MADE TO ORDER. PLEASE ALLOW 4 WEEKS FOR YOUR ORDER TO BE COMPLETED.
Everyone loves clowns. I know this because whenever I post a picture of a clown Fuggler™ I have made on social media, I immediately lose a significant amount of followers. I have decided to assume it's because those people love clowns so much, they realise that this is the pinnacle of my work. "Nothing she creates can be better than this" they sigh, as they reluctantly unsubscribe so the memory can remain pure, and undiluted, like moonshine drunk neat from an old gherkin jar.
Your custom clown Fuggler will look slightly different from those in the photos, because no two clowns look alike. It's a thing. They paint an egg, or something? I'm not a clown, I don't know, but there's something about a painted egg that has their face on it, and if they don't follow the rules and two clowns look identical and they touch they merge and form one mega clown with four gloved hands desperately honking horns, trying to summon help, while a malformed body writhes around a singular digestive track. Anyway, the point is I try and make each clown look slightly different. If you have peculiar needs and desires about the ways your clown should look, you can add a note to your order.
Also: This Fuggler contains a squeaker. You're welcome.
It was once said that I needed a hobby. This is what happened. The moral of this story? Be careful what you wish for. My house is filled with these creatures now, and my husband has a sadness about it all. Sometimes he mixes holy water in with polyfilla, and seals us in the house. You can't leave. You can't leave, he intones. They'll follow you, and you'll unleash them upon an unsuspecting world. What have you done, woman? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
I've called them Fugglers. You may call me Mrs McGettrick.
Your Fuggler™ will be sent in a presentation gift box, and will also have a Fuggler™ branded button bumhole. The sign of authenticity. I had to order like a lifetimes supply of these buttons, so take your time to run your finger lovingly over the engraving.
SMALL PRINT: Mrs McGettrick's Fuggler™ bears are not toys. They are adult collectables. Mrs McGettrick's Fuggler™ Bears are not suitable for children, as there is a risk that small parts could come loose and present a choking hazard. Colours may vary from the photographs, due to monitor settings, flash, and my inability to use a camera. Mrs McGettrick's Fuggler™ Bears are made in a house containing a cat. A cat who pulls out her own fur in an attempt at shocking nudity, and who walks like Nosferatu. If you have cat allergies, I might suggest you avoid buying from this shop. Mrs McGettrick's Fuggler™ Bears are not suitable for people who don't appreciate teddy bears with uncannily realistic teeth jutting out from their mouths. Mrs McGettrick's Fuggler™ Bears are not suitable for people who have ever harboured a suspicion that toys can come alive at night.